"Try not thinking of peeling an orange. Try not imagining the juice running down your fingers, the soft inner part of the peel. The smell. Try and you can't. The brain doesn't process negatives."

"Telling people they look relaxed makes them look relaxed."

"People are pretty forgiving when it comes to other people's families. The only family that ever horrifies you is your own."

"A bland smile is like a green light at an intersection, it feels good when you get one, but you forget it the moment you're past it."

"The future and eternity are two entirely different things."

"Too much free time is certainly a monkey's paw in disguise. Most people can't handle a structureless life."

"Your body isn't just a body. It's an ecosystem."

"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."

"If nothing else, we simply get used to being alive."

"Nothing very very good and nothing very very bad ever lasts for very very long."

"We need to be around our families not because we have so many shared experiences to talk about, but instead because they know precisely which subjects to avoid."

"Life always kills you in the end, but first it prevents you from getting what you want."

"You spend a much larger part of your life being old, not young."

"On TV people look at your hair and then they look at your skin, and then they look at your clothes, and by the time they're listening to what you're saying, you're off the screen."

"The capacity for not feeling lonely can carry a very real price, that of feeling nothing at all."

"Americans are a quarter of a billion people who have almost nothing in common except for the fact they've been told they have lots in common."

"Earth was not built for six billion people all running around and being passionate about things. The world was built for about two million people foraging for roots and grubs."

"I don't want any vegetables, thank you. I paid for the cow to eat them for me."

"You pretend to be more eccentric than you actually are because you fear you are an interchangeable cog."

"I like doing radio because it's so intimate. The moment people hear your voice, you're inside there heads, not only that, you're in there laying eggs."

"Thinking you're immortal is weirdly similar to being immortal."

"Make your goals big and broad enough so that they never become answered prayers and boomerang to curse you."

"If God drives a car, He'd drive a 1973 Ford LTD Brougham sedan with a claret-colored vinyl roof, with oxblood leather upholstery and an opera window."

"Christmas makes everything twice as sad."

"Once you establish a look, and once everybody recognizes that look as your look, you never have to think about fashion again."

"If you don't change, then what's the point of anything happening to you?"