"Hypocrisy is great fodder for comedy."

"It's one of my favorite things to do, watch TV and stretch. I'm so flexible. I can put my legs behind my head. I want to be the most flexible person in the world."

"It's interesting, because I tend to trust a man with big ears."

"When it comes to war, we focus more on the mainstream coverage of the event, rather than the event itself. People dying is never funny. Protest puppets are always funny."

"No, no, no separate but equal... never the twain shall meet. And the pendulum kept swinging and it came to rest in the bastard hybrid known as the Daily Show."

"I'm in fact a hair under six feet, but I'm very svelte. People would never see me if I turned sideways."

"The most important thing is to write material that YOU think is funny. If you don't think it's funny, but you're convinced that other people will think it is, well they won't."

"Honestly we never lied to people about who we were. Usually the wackier interviews came to pass because the interview subjects, aware that we were Comedy Central, just wanted to get their stories out."

"It's much easier to make jokes about sensitive issues if there is some dissent, some conflict."

"If there's one thing that everyone can agree on, it's that, right or wrong, they hate the press."

"Politicians who wear little tennis socks with the balls at the back should not be taken seriously."