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Golf Quotes

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"Golf has become so manicured, so perfect. The greens, the fairways. I don't like golf carts. I like walking. Some clubs won't let you in unless you have a caddy and a cart."
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"I like to play golf. I like to shoot hoops."
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"Stan said he used to keep Hardy late, make him miss his golf game, and really get him mad."
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"Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf."
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"All I've got against golf is it takes you so far from the clubhouse."
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"Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?"
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"Golf seems to be an arduous way to go for a walk. I prefer to take the dog's out."
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"Playing polo is like trying to play golf during an earthquake."
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"All I want to do is do my shows and play golf."
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"Anybody who plays golf will tell you that you play against yourself."
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"Now I do bowling, golf, and tennis. I want to be a good bowler."
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"If it wasn't for golf, I'd probably still be a caddy."
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"I was out on the golf course, a guy came riding out in a golf cart and said, Did you know that Elvis died? And I just said, Well, there you go. It was like I had kinda been expecting it."
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"A golf course is nothing but a pool room moved outdoors."
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"I wore that same shirt yesterday playing golf. There goes the Nike account."
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"My golf is woeful but I will never surrender."
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"One thing that golf teaches you is humility."
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"I can't hit a ball more than 200 yards. I have no butt. You need a butt if you're going to hit a golf ball."
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"At one point, I had 14 pairs of golf shoes."
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"I know bugger all about golf."
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"I play bad golf for good charities like the LA Police."
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"You know, the Oscar I was awarded for The Untouchables is a wonderful thing, but I can honestly say that I'd rather have won the U.S. Open Golf Tournament."
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"I understand why marriages break up over golf. I can't even talk about my own handicap because it's too upsetting."
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"Playing golf is like learning a foreign language."
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"Trouble is, I don't get to play a lot at the moment because I've just signed a contract where I've got to do 200 shows a year in pubs, so the golf's fallen away a bit."
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"Golf courses sell real estate and that's why they're built."
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"I played golf all over Detroit."
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"It was cool for a couple of weeks, but how much bad golf can you play?"
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"You know the way I play golf, it's a good I do these things for charities."
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"I would rather play Hamlet with no rehearsal than TV golf."
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"While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake."
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"Almost a quarter of our planet is a single mountain range and we didn't enter it until after Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin went to the moon. So we went to the moon, played golf up there, before we went to the largest feature on our own planet."
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"A golf course is the epitome of all that is purely transitory in the universe; a space not to dwell in, but to get over as quickly as possible."
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"Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air."
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"But we do have a golf course near by and I play fairly regularly."
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