Humor Quotes

"I had a terrible vision: I saw an encyclopedia walk up to a polymath and open him up."

Karl Kraus, Austrian Writer

Humor, Open

6

"Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue."

Virginia Woolf, British Author

Humor, First, Gifts, Tongue

6

"I don't think humor is forced upon my universe; it's a part of it."

Manuel Puig, Argentinian Author

Humor, Universe

5

"I've got more important things to think about. I've got a yogurt to finish by today, the expiry date is today."

Gordon Strachan, Scottish Athlete

Humor, Today

4

"You can pretend to be serious; but you can't pretend to be witty."

Sacha Guitry, French Director

Humor, Witty

4

"Injections are the best thing ever invented for feeding doctors."

Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Colombian Novelist

Humor, Doctors

4

"A lot of good arguments are spoiled by some fool who knows what he is talking about."

Miguel de Unamuno, Spanish Educator

Humor, Arguments, Fool, Talking

3

"My stories are very somber, so I think I need the comic ingredient. Besides, life has so much humor."

Manuel Puig, Argentinian Author

Humor, Life

2

"A camel is a horse designed by committee."

Alec Issigonis, Turkish Designer

Humor, Committee

2

"As I grow older and older, And totter toward the tomb, I find that I care less and less, Who goes to bed with whom."

Dorothy L. Sayers, British Author

Humor, Bed, Care

1

"The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink."

Fran Lebowitz, American Journalist

Humor, People, Talk

1

"Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always tax-deductible."

Andy Warhol, American Artist

Humor, Employees, Tax

1

"When we can find some humor in our upsets, they no longer seem as large or as important as they once did."

Allen Klein, American Businessman

Humor,

1

"There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt."

Erma Bombeck, American Journalist

Humor, Comedy, Hurt, Laughter

1

"A smile is the chosen vehicle of all ambiguities."

Herman Melville, American Novelist

Humor, Smile

1

"Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try."

Fran Lebowitz, American Journalist

Humor, Life

1

"I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing."

Jonathan Swift, Irish Writer

Humor, First, Fool, Kissing, Wonder

1

"Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk."

Fran Lebowitz, American Journalist

Humor, Being, Fact, News, Talk

1

"No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."

Fran Lebowitz, American Journalist

Humor, Conversation

1

"Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Mind

1

"It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions."

Mark Twain, American Author

Humor, Dumb, Man, Perceptions, Vanity

1

"The duty of a toastmaster is to be so dull that the succeeding speakers will appear brilliant by contrast."

Clarence Budington Kelland, American Writer

Humor, Contrast, Duty, Will

1

"Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully."

Fran Lebowitz, American Journalist

Humor, Children, Clothes

1

"Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain."

Edward de Bono, English Psychologist

Humor,

1

"The overwhelming majority of Americans are possessed of two great qualities a sense of humor and a sense of proportion."

Franklin D. Roosevelt, American President

Humor, Americans, Majority, Sense

1

"I could get into bed with James Bond, then take my false leg off and it would really be a gun."

Heather Mills, British Activist

Humor, Bed

1

"Well, darkness with humor... I'm not an extremely suicidal or sad person."

Peter Steele, American Musician

Humor, Darkness

1

"Bob Hope, like Mark Twain, had a sense of humor that was uniquely American, and like Twain, we'll likely not see another like him."

Dick Van Dyke, American Actor

Humor, Hope, Sense

1

"When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer "Present" or "Not guilty.""

Theodore Roosevelt, American President

Humor, Senate, Senators

1

"A laugh is a surprise. And all humor is physical. I was always athletic, so that came naturally to me."

Chevy Chase, American Comedian

Humor,

1

"Christ and The Church: If he were to apply for a divorce on the grounds of cruelty, adultery and desertion, he would probably get one."

Samuel Butler, British Poet

Humor, Adultery, Christ, Cruelty, Divorce

"The British nation is unique in this respect. They are the only people who like to be told how bad things are, who like to be told the worst."

Winston Churchill, English Statesman

Humor, People, Nation, Respect

"The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk."

Ogden Nash, American Poet

Humor, End

"The nation that complacently and fearfully allows its artists and writers to become suspected rather than respected is no longer regarded as a nation possessed with humor or depth."

James Thurber, American Comedian

Humor, Artists, Nation, Writers

"Being a Hot Mom means being respected as a mom and a woman. And, the key to being a Hot Mom is having a sense of humor about yourself and all the crazy situations that arise."

Jami Gertz, American Actress

Humor, Mom, Being, Key

"George Bush taking credit for the wall coming down is like the rooster taking credit for the sun rising."

Al Gore, American Vice President

Humor, Credit, Sun

"Bores put you in a mental cemetery while you are still walking."

Elsa Maxwell, American Writer

Humor, Walking

"A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road."

Henry Ward Beecher, American Clergyman

Humor, Road, Sense

"He's so ugly. When you walked by him, your pants wrinkle. He made fly balls curve foul."

Mickey Rivers, American Athlete

Humor, Ugly

"Canada is the only country founded on the relentless pursuit of the rodent."

Preston Manning, Canadian Politician

Humor, Canada, Country, Pursuit

"And I would be the first to admit that probably, in a lot of press conferences over the time that I have been in coaching, indulging my own sense of humor at press conferences has not been greatly to my benefit."

Bobby Knight, American Coach

Humor, Time, Coaching, First

"In conversation, humor is worth more than wit and easiness more than knowledge."

George Herbert, British Poet

Humor, Knowledge, Conversation, Wit

"I really wouldn't want to live in America. I found New York claustrophobic and dirty. I missed England when I was there, simple things like smells and the British sense of humor."

Jonny Lee Miller, British Actor

Humor, America, England, Sense

"As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula."

Dave Barry, American Journalist

Humor, Example

"I've always chosen my band members based on their sense of humor. It might sound stupid, but it means not only are they fun to live with on a tour bus for years, but humor implies intelligence."

Kristin Hersh, American Musician

Humor, Intelligence, Fun, Sense

"A true intellectual is a man who, after reading a book and being convinced by its arguments, will shoot someone or, more likely, order someone shot."

John McCarthy, American Politician

Humor, Arguments, Being, Man, Order

"Humor is the affectionate communication of insight."

Leo Rosten, American Novelist

Humor, Communication

"My life has been one great big joke, a dance that's walked a song that's spoke, I laugh so hard I almost choke when I think about myself."

Maya Angelou, American Poet

Humor, Life, Dance, Song

"Hollywood is a place where a man can get stabbed in the back while climbing a ladder."

William Faulkner, American Novelist

Humor, Hollywood, Man

"Oh, what lies there are in kisses."

Heinrich Heine, German Poet

Humor, Kisses, Lies

"I had a terrible vision: I saw an encyclopedia walk up to a polymath and open him up."

6

"Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue."

6

"I don't think humor is forced upon my universe; it's a part of it."

5

"I've got more important things to think about. I've got a yogurt to finish by today, the expiry date is today."

4

"You can pretend to be serious; but you can't pretend to be witty."

4

"Injections are the best thing ever invented for feeding doctors."

4

"A lot of good arguments are spoiled by some fool who knows what he is talking about."

3

"My stories are very somber, so I think I need the comic ingredient. Besides, life has so much humor."

2

"A camel is a horse designed by committee."

2

"As I grow older and older, And totter toward the tomb, I find that I care less and less, Who goes to bed with whom."

1

"The telephone is a good way to talk to people without having to offer them a drink."

1

"Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up and they're always tax-deductible."

1

"When we can find some humor in our upsets, they no longer seem as large or as important as they once did."

1

"There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt."

1

"A smile is the chosen vehicle of all ambiguities."

1

"Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try."

1

"I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing."

1

"Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk."

1

"No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."

1

"Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind."

1

"It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions."

1

"The duty of a toastmaster is to be so dull that the succeeding speakers will appear brilliant by contrast."

1

"Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully."

1

"Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain."

1

"The overwhelming majority of Americans are possessed of two great qualities a sense of humor and a sense of proportion."

1

"I could get into bed with James Bond, then take my false leg off and it would really be a gun."

1

"Well, darkness with humor... I'm not an extremely suicidal or sad person."

1

"Bob Hope, like Mark Twain, had a sense of humor that was uniquely American, and like Twain, we'll likely not see another like him."

1

"When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer "Present" or "Not guilty.""

1

"A laugh is a surprise. And all humor is physical. I was always athletic, so that came naturally to me."

1

"Christ and The Church: If he were to apply for a divorce on the grounds of cruelty, adultery and desertion, he would probably get one."

​

"The British nation is unique in this respect. They are the only people who like to be told how bad things are, who like to be told the worst."

​

"The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk."

​

"The nation that complacently and fearfully allows its artists and writers to become suspected rather than respected is no longer regarded as a nation possessed with humor or depth."

​

"Being a Hot Mom means being respected as a mom and a woman. And, the key to being a Hot Mom is having a sense of humor about yourself and all the crazy situations that arise."

​

"George Bush taking credit for the wall coming down is like the rooster taking credit for the sun rising."

​

"Bores put you in a mental cemetery while you are still walking."

​

"A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road."

​

"He's so ugly. When you walked by him, your pants wrinkle. He made fly balls curve foul."

​

"Canada is the only country founded on the relentless pursuit of the rodent."