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Humor Quotes
"Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he isn't. A sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is."
"Sometimes the only way to make palatable that which is appalling and apprehensive is to season it with some humor."
"I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?"
"All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it."
"The humor is essentially dark for a cartoon and sophisticated. But at the same time, being a cartoon gives the writers more freedom than in a normal sitcom. It always pushes the line that, despite human failings, the Simpsons are really decent people."
"While it is true that Frank had a great sense of humor, he was also very serious about composing music. In reality there are only a handful of skilled players who can play his most complex pieces. It takes a lot of patience to learn and requires a fantastic memory."
"If somebody on this team actually gets to first base, I'll stand there naked."
"The only place you will find love before sacrifice is in the dictionary."
"As far as I'm concerned, "whom" is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler."
"The difference between a misfortune and a calamity is this: If Gladstone fell into the Thames, it would be a misfortune. But if someone dragged him out again, that would be a calamity."
"I am neither a homosexual nor a eunuch, nor have I ever taken any vows of chastity."
"A tuna can only boast in a pond, but a whale can boast even in the ocean."
"It felt as if things were literally slipping through my fingers. Things were just streaming away from me. I lost my sense of humor. I'm still looking for that."
"American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it."
"From sixteen to twenty, all women, kept in humor by their hopes and by their attractions, appear to be good-natured."
"The easiest way to be the prettiest girl at a party is to rig the guest list."
"I have a great deal of company in the house, especially in the morning when nobody calls."
"Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting."
"It seems everything is so full of possibilities one can hardly take it all in."
"Humor is very very risky, particularly for a candidate, unless he's been in so long that it just doesn't matter, and he's not running for president. But it's just that people are so sensitive and so touchy, and you're just going to upset somebody without ever realizing it."
"Persistent prophecy is a familiar way of assuring the event."
"It has always surprised me how little attention philosophers have paid to humor, since it is a more significant process of mind than reason. Reason can only sort out perceptions, but the humor process is involved in changing them."
"The only time I hold my wife's hand tightly is when my wallet is in her other hand."
"George Bush has met more foreign heads of state than I have. But a substantial number of them were dead."
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