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Humor Quotes
"Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep."
"In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet."
"Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation."
"How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin."
"Money can't buy love, except on Valentine's Day."
"Next to power without honor, the most dangerous thing in the world is power without humor."
"I also hate those holidays that fall on a Monday where you don't get mail, those fake holidays like Columbus Day. What did Christopher Columbus do, discover America? If he hadn't, somebody else would have and we'd still be here. Big deal."
"There was a time I was very much blaming the way I felt on L.A, that it was a vacuum of creativity, of humor or anything organic, and I was really angry at the place. But then today I feel completely different - I love L.A.!"
"If love was a crime, God would encourage us all to go to prison."
"If God had a wife, He would be in trouble too if He dodged His chores."
"The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives."
"Smile, just to infuriate those who envy you."
"Bad humor is an evasion of reality; good humor is an acceptance of it."
"He who sells what isn't his'n, Must buy it back or go to prison."
"Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren't so exciting."
"Appraisals are where you get together with your team leader and agree what an outstanding member of the team you are, how much your contribution has been valued, what massive potential you have and, in recognition of all this, would you mind having your salary halved."
"Humor is an affirmation of dignity, a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls him."
"Excellent, there's nothing quite like a blunt object to reinforce proper administration ethics."
"Democratic politicians have disliked things I've written, Republican politicians... if they all love you, you might as well be driving a Good Humor truck."
"It seems to me that humour is everybody's way of keeping sane and standing off from the situations so that they can see it intellectually, as well as emotionally, and I don't know whether you've noticed, but if somebody tells a joke, it's nearly always a mini fantasy."
"I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humor."
"Well, it's a humor strip, so my first responsibility has always been to entertain the reader... But if, in addition, I can help move readers to thought and judgment about issues that concern me, so much the better."
"That's the great thing about entering a convent: There are things that you simply can't do, so you don't have to worry about them."
"Prior to Wordsworth, humor was an essential part of poetry. I mean, they don't call them Shakespeare comedies for nothing."
"Suspense is very important. Even though this is humor and they're short stories, that theory of building suspense is still there."
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